yellow_parachutes

Saturday, September 18, 2004

epinephrine

So I know this is the third time that I write.... I kinda feel lonely !!! So let me be lol. So I've been doing some research on this CORE research Inc. and It is sooo interesting... they are developing medications to treat patients w/ depression, polar disorders (mania) schizophrenia, ADHD, so on and so forth. Developing medications for those who have some sort of faliure in receptors or neurotransmitters. I took a course in college... psychobiology and it talked about receptors... (receiving information transferred through axon voltage gated ion channels to the myelin sheath, on to the presynaptic membrane....eventually with the help of Ca+2 ions caused the synaptic vesicles to fuse w/ the presynaptic membrane and empty their contents to the synaptic cleft (exocytosis) and entering to the npostsynaptic membrane and that is exactly what these medicines do... they help brain information travel from nerve to nerve and if a nerve receptor is not receiving information due to lack of Ca2+ (if possible) or... better yet... not being able to recognize the neurotransitter's shape.... these medications adjust the synaptic cleft. I know you could care less about this... but it is sooo incredible. The human mind is perfect. Complex !!! It is amazing how we process information. It has been compared to a CPU... but let me say.... the comparison falls short. So back to the entire Research. I have done studies myself .... never published them though... I have dealt w/ participants (never to be called subjects). and handed out confidentiality forms... !!! This is exactly what this group of researchers do !!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooo psyched about this job. You've got no idea how interested I am... and perhaps even attending to med school. .............. WoW...

Sometimes God works in misterious ways.... I was depressed and upset but now I am cheering up... Ihave so much ahead of me.... once again... I am back on track. Some doors close.. but others open while some are always open. I am ready to start! I just think that the best therapy is the kind that meds are not only administered... but also counceling helps alot !!!!! I mean... a kind of combination conquering the best of both worlds !!!!! I AM SOOO PUMPED lol.

I love you so much dear Lord... I want to try to make peace...you know what I mean. So thank you for everything that you have and are giving me. Thank you sooo much for opening doors for me. For not doubting on my ability even though I've failed at many tasks.. I am trying my best to excell... not only in this world... but also follow your word... but I need your help. Please dear Lord... be with me... live within me... I thirst for you.... and I need you more than ever. Thank you for all... for my life... and above all... for you.

By the way... thanks for listening to me Keish and Viviane... you have made me happy!!!!

Posted at 09:47 pm by yellowchutes
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CORE research

I wanted to share this with you all,

I was offered the opportunity to discuss a job in the following area: CORE Research, Inc. which is a private research company with three offices in the Central Florida area. (including Orlando... where I am moving to). CORE specializes in pharmaceutical research and psychopharmacology for mental illnesses such as Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Schizophrenia, Attention Deficit Disorder, Insomnia, and Migraine. Please please pray that I get this job. It will be imperative in my educational trajectory. I am doing research on this company... it is relatively new... and if I do get this opportuninty it will help me alot in my clinical psychology field !!! This is exactly what I have been looking for. Please please please pray that I get this job. I really need it now more than ever. I need to get my mind up and running and this is exactly the type of job that I need. There is an opening and I will interview Monday w/ the human resources personnel !!!!!!

Pray for me

Pam.

Posted at 06:04 pm by yellowchutes
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Life is beautiful

So...... I just wanted to say that even though I had a rough night last night... and this morning... I think that life is just wonderful. One has been blessed with feelings.... moods.... one is able to smile, cry.... laugh... wow..... I know what I must do.... and I will do it.

I am excited about going to Orlando October 15th. I think that now more than ever need change. I need to discover me and I think it will be the best opportunity to get in touch with myself and learn Pam a little better. No matter what I do.. I am sure that I will do the best I can and grow not only in my field but as a person.

Changing the subject a little bit...in the last month I learned a very important lesson. The word "BUT" ... is very very powerful. No matter what one says.. or has said a zillion times when "but" is mentioned everything that was once said is no more. One should try to decrease the use of such word if not just delete it out of everydays vocabulary (that really made me smile).

For example; when nice things are said about the work that you do.. and "but" immediately follows.... heck... they might as well have said nothing at all... and "but" adds a little extra punch to that good ol' heart that we have (I mean sentimentaly). lol.

And so... I will leave you with a few words to live by if you ever feel sad or discourage. After reading this... go running or kick your younger sibling's butt.... JUST KIDDING... JUST KIDDING LOL!!!!

Smile... though your hear is aching,
smile... even though is breaking
.... when there are clouds in the sky... you'll get by.
If you smile with your fears and sorrows,
smile, and maybe tomorrow ... you'll find that life is still worth while.
If you just ....

Light up your face with gladness
hide...every trace of sadness
although a tear... maybe ever so near
That's the time... you must keep on trying,
Smile... whats the use of crying....

you'll find that life is still worth while
if you just smile !!!!!

By R.S. McCoy

Posted at 05:49 pm by yellowchutes
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Saturday, September 04, 2004

false advertising

Do people get in trouble for it ?? No... I think it is more like... ***false advertising = other peoples' money... !!!! **** You think I am kidding??? hehehe... WELL... FOR EXAMPLE... when you are buying some type of food with asorted flavors... and the front of the bag says "pizza".... you can be sure that it tastes like everything but pizza. I am reffering to the gold fish..... since some of us cannot have pizza... we look for substitues that do no contain as much "harmful" ingredients (they are not really harmful... I should say fattening instead). So I happened to grab the goldfish bag that said "pizza" flavor.... WHAT A JOKE... they taste nothing like pizzza..... I might as well call Dominos and order one !!! I am telling you... what a rip off.

I thought you guys would like to get away from Russia and Frances for a little while.... I know I do... I am just glad that it does not appear that it will hit Jacksonville.... just think... I was supposed to have been in Orlando like three weeks ago.... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay... I am going to eat some of my "pizza" gold fish... !!!!!!!!

Posted at 07:50 pm by yellowchutes
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Monday, August 30, 2004

Sebastian

I miss my doggy so much....

My sister took him back to the Humane Society after four wonderful years. He gave us so much laughter and joy... he gave me friendship. He had been sick ever since we got him. He had severe allergies and we spent thousands of dollars on him. Due to the family's economic status, at the moment we were unable to keep purchasing medication for him and vet visits.

I am very heart broken at the moment... I miss him terribly.

Sebastian, this entry is dedicated to you with all my heart............................

You were there for me,
You never said no

Never did you make me cry...
but gave me joy and a sparkle in my eye.

I miss you my wonderful doggy..
I miss you with all my heart.
Wherever you are I hope you never forge me
and be able to commence a new start.

I am sorry that I won't be the one that feeds you,
takes you out for walks,
sings you a song or two.

I am sorry I won't give you baths anymore,
or share camara moments with you

I am even sorrier that I won't clean after you,
sorry that I won't give you water
keep you warm during the winter
and cool during the summer.

But one thing you must know...
you will always be my one and only dog.

You won a special place in my heart
my most wonderful dog
Sebastian... I love you....

I will never forget you.

As I write this... I cry so much. I am broken hearted... I miss you... I really do.... my doggy.... My Tebins....

Posted at 10:39 pm by yellowchutes
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Saturday, August 28, 2004

Where is it all?

.... it is sad when one is close to something... something that one has longed to have for such a long time... so close one could almost taste it... and so close one could almost hold it... see it... perceive its scent... and all of the sudden... that something vanishes... disappears... it is no longer there... How did it happen....??? when did one let go of it... when did one miss it...??? what did one do to mess it up??? Where did one go wrong??? It is incredibly sad when that something... all of the sudden is no longer there. One can see were it stood... but one cannot travel back through time .... only memories exist... until it comes back... but you know something??? It never comes back the same way... nothing repeats itself in the same manner.... nothing at all. there is only once in every second.... we do not get one second twice... and it is very upsetting..... and so one wonders... WHY? Can that question be answered???? .... sometimes I am afraid it cannot... and so there is time. Time will solve the conflict and eventually the why will be answer... but until then... what have we got? .... it is so sad when one is so close to something... but was that something ever really there? could it have been a figment of ones imagination?..... did one see it? could one smell it? could one almost hold it? ....and I wonder, it had to be there so it could vanish in the first place. ...... maybe one thought to see it vanish but it is still there... how does one know??? how can one see things that are there but not visible by the naked eye???? it is feasible to develop the power to feel things that one cannot see... and how does one know that what one feels really exists??? It is all relative....

Posted at 09:22 pm by yellowchutes
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Sunday, August 15, 2004

I forgot !!!!

Hello all.... what's going on???? Well... I am so very sorry for not being here... to tell you the truth... I forgot the password to this account !!! :(...

Well... finally, I graduated from colle... I am very proud of being a UNF graduate. I want to thank God, my family, and friends for being so supportive with me throughout this pathway.

My family from Harlingen Texas came to visit me last week for graduation. They drove all the way !!! I had a blast with them. I spent so much time with my cousins Alex and Amy... they are great. I love them both very much. I cried when they left... I miss them.

I want to thank Vivian, Viviane, and LaKeisha for making Friday the 6th of August so super duper extra special!!!. I am lucky to have such caring family and friends.

My work place gave me a surprise graduation party in which money was given to me... and I was warned not to spend it on bills or such... so... I took my family out for a treat and I got my hair done. I cut it short again and put some highlights.... lol. yeah... I know... what a waste of money !!!

I am looking for a job in Orlando... I have applied to many places and I am so eager to hear from the as soon as possible. I need to move there a.s.a.p. Please pray for me... pray that I find a job fast!!!!! I need it.

Well... so much for news... that is all I wanted to say....

oooh oooh... one more thing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO VIVIAN, VIVIANE.... AND MY WONDERFUL COUSIN ALEX !!!! HAVE AN AWESOME DAY !!! I LOVE YOU GUYS WITH ALL MY HEART.

Pam.

Posted at 07:15 pm by yellowchutes
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Friday, July 23, 2004

Thank YOU

I am sorry that I've been away for so long... I have had a rough July.

Hello all.... I wanted to thank those of you who replied to my e-mail.. It helped me alot and lifted my spirits in this past week. It touched my heart that you had the time to write me and let me know that you were with me and thought of me. Sometimes it is nice to be reminded that there are people out there who care and who are there for you not only in the good times... but in the rough ones as well. I know how hard it is and everyone leads busy lives. To be able to look back and read those breath taking words filled my heart with hope. I forever thank you.

I know that I did not specify what was going on... I am ready to do so right now. For those of you who don't know... I have been living with my mother and abusive step-father since I was five years old. He was a very bad person and finally two years ago my mother made the decision to divorce him. Last week was the court date in which my brother's fate would be decided. It turns out my step-father got custody because my half brother favored him. Sometimes life is not fair, but God knows why he does things. My mother has to pay child support and we have to move out of the house in two months.  One day before the hearing, my uncle went to the emergency room with sharp chest pains. He had a heart attack two months ago and unfortuntely, we expected the worst; however, God heard our prayers and he is fine. Him and his family were going to come to my graduation but because of the circumstances they will be unable to. It was tough on me because my mother does not deserve to have to give that bad man money or even loose the house, specially with her health conditions (being a cancer survivor). It broke my heart to see her helpless unable to help the situation. Finally the divorce is over and even though things did not go the way we expected, we are healthy and I have realized that I have wonderful friends who care for me. I have my family and God who is always with me. I don't want to go into details; but you get the idea. There are bad days... but better days will come... of that, I am sure.

I specially want to thank Wendy, Vivian, Jessica, Jennifer, Shona, Vivian, Paula, and Shadarion.

Wendy and Shadarion, I love you guys. You have been nothing but amazing during this past week and every time I cried you gave me your shoulder and words of inspiration. I want to say that I am here for you whenever you need any thing. I don't know how to repay all the support you gave me last week. When I felt that I was falling and had no more energy to go on... you guys were here for me, I will never forget that.

I am very tired, not only physically but mentally.... There was a point last week that I felt that I could no longer go on. I felt defeated for the very first time. I felt weak and lost. You may not understand but your support was all I had... all that had me going... Thank you for your prayers. Thank you so much for your love... and most of all... thank you for being here for me.

Good night.

Posted at 11:43 pm by yellowchutes
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Monday, June 28, 2004

Count down !!!

I am counting down. For what you ask??? To make an important turn in my path.
I've got a gift for you....

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Written by Robert Frost (1874-1963)

Posted at 09:43 am by yellowchutes
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Sunday, June 27, 2004

I AM MELTING

I was laying on my bed when I heard this horrible sound almost sounded like a gun shot, only I would not really know b/c I have never heard one (besides television gun shots). Next thing you know... the fan quit turning and the house became quiet. Yup... you guessed right...we lost electricity once again. It is horrible to live in the state of Florida... with no electricity during the SUMMER !!!!!

I can use my pc b/c it has back up batteries....

I can feel my skin getting sticky already... ewwww.... I hate it when this happens.

For example, this happened last week, Wednesday if I am not mistaken. (Tom Hanks on his movie "The Terminal" pronounces the "d" in Wednesday.... it sounds rather funny.) I got to work at 7:30 a.m. and all the lights were out... and I wondered ... "what is going on?"... well... some lights were on (emergency lights which are powered by back up batteries just like my pc.) We had lost electricity due to some damage caused by lightning which took place a few hours earlier. As 8:00 a.m. approached patients began to arrive waiting for their appointments.... and we did not close down the office.... we still received patients and we drew blood specimens from them and the whole shbang.... yet... it was hot and sticky... That's not the worst part. Think working at a doctor's office with no functioning computers... can you imagine it???? ok... now think of working at a laboratory with no machines functioning.... aha... that's what I mean. How can the patient's records be retrieved other than with computer aid???? yup... you got that right... it was chaos. Since we could not draw blood at the laboratory (it was dark... no electricityI), we had to move to another room that had emergency lights.... and we drew from there... we had to move all our equipment there and the whole deal... I had to learn to draw with my left hand .... yeah... you got it!!! It was a mess... and everytime I called patients from the waiting room it was a nightmare b/c the waiting room got packed and there was no a.c. so everytime I opened the door I felt all kinds of heat coming in the office not to mention the fumes !!!!!!! lol. It was an interesting day I might add.... very interesting. I was glad when electricity came back on. ... I suppose the main reason why... is because that meant that we would get the A.C. back working.

As I write this entry I am thinking ... "when will electricity come back on?"... I am hot... it is getting hot in here.... my pc. batts will run out soon and I will be hot and sticky w/ no pc. I guess I am going to have to read a book or something... IT IS HOT OUTSIDE... I WANNA GO SOMEWHERE COOL!!!!

Would it work if I took all the contents in the fridge out and placed my self there for a while??? I mean... the fridge even w/ no electricity is somewhat cooler than my bedroom... or the rest of the house.... I wonder if I could take the food out... hang on... let me try it......

........ (minutes later)

Too much stuff to take out... I guess I am going to have to stick it out and become a prune.... WHERE IS MY ELECTRICITY?????? I AM HOT ... IT IS HOT IN HERE.

The pc just gave me a warning... there is only 10% of the battery left over... this pc should be shutting down soon... I better save this entry and post it... BYE CRUEL WORLD...

OOOOOH... I AM MEEEEELTING.... MEEEEELTING I TELL YOU.... MEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLTING!!!!

Posted at 03:30 pm by yellowchutes
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